Coming+of+Age+Celebration

ALL THAT IS DONE MUST BE EMPOWERING. ENSURE THAT THE GATHERING IS PART-RITUAL/PART-CELEBRATION. **The special girl should be involved in the planning process although you may want to include some element(s) of surprise for her.**
 * //__COMING-OF-AGE CELEBRATIONS (for girls) __//**  **//__AUTHOR NICOLE STOVELL __//**

- Mark the date of the special girl's first menses. Have her pour her blood into the earth. Take a few photos of her if she's open to it. Keep date & photos in a special place ie. diary, journal or scrapbook. Consider having a special family breakfast/dinner to honour the occasion.

-Invite a small group of females (girls/women) via cards, evites or phone calls to the moon/red party. Only invite people who the special girl is comfortable with. For those who are unaware give them a brief overview of what a COA celebration is. It's key to demystify it for people.
 * For the larger celebration: **

Date: Soon after special girl's first period ie. new moon, weekend or two after menses starts.

- Have a videographer tape most/all of the celebration.

-Ask each attendee to bring a dish. ie. Have the special girl's favourite foods and/or red foods like red grapes, strawberries/raspberries, red bananas, tamarinds, cherries, tomatoes, grape juice, sorrel, beets, kidney or pinto beans, pomegranates, radishes, bay grapes, red zinger tea, womb teas, okra, red cabbage, red pepper, ground provisions (dasheen, sweet potatoes, yams, eddoes), red quinoa, greens (all types).

-Have a Ms. Love Yourself "pageant" with the special girl and her friends. Heels, makeup and shaving aren't necessary. Organize the programme with the girls. Focus: self-love, community service, sisterhood. No competition. All sizes, complexions, colloquialisms, hair textures are welcome. Natural hair is strongly encouraged. Alternatively treat her to participating in Little Miss "Happy" Headed.

-Encourage attendees to wear the colour(s) the special girl requests ie. red, pink, white and/or her favourite colour(s).

-Plant a fruit-bearing tree in your yard (or another special place) symbolizing the girl's ability to bring forth life.

-Gifts (optional): Books on menstruation/womanhood like the Ooops book, flowers like roses/carnations/hibiscuses, natural makeup, heels, natural pads, moon cards, "wombman" pillows, empowering music, special undergarments or pajamas (red/pink/dark colours), moon and/or yoni jewelry, journal, womb teas (nettle, red raspberry, cerasee, cramp bark, slippery elm, dong quai, ginger, evening primrose, peppermint, squaw vine, red clover, wild yam, chamomile), *moonstones, **waistbeads, gift certificate to a spa, body piercing(s). A ring is also perfect ie. pearl, ruby etc.**


 * -Location: somewhere cozy ie. the special girl's home, a park, favourite restaurant/ hotel. Decorate the space with simple decorations like balloons, streamers, flowers like roses/carnations/hibiscuses, cowry/beach shells, moonstones. You may want to have some pillows on hand for attendees to sit on. If the special girl would enjoy it have a special seat or pillow for her. **


 * -Set up a small table with a white/red/pink tablecloth. Feel free to decorate it with cowry/beach shells, flowers like roses/carnations/hibiscuses, moonstones, ocean water/rocks. Place a few photos of the special girls' female ancestors on the table. Have it in a prominent place at the gathering ie. near the door, in the living room etc. **


 * -Music: Refer to COA music document. Play instrumentals, empowering music throughout the celebration. Lyrics should refer to our beauty (inside-out), the strength of females & the importance of taking time out for ourselves/loving ourselves etc. You may want to choose 1-2 short songs to chant together. **


 * -Have a decorated red/pink/white cake (ie. one in shape of new moon or with new moon on it). You may want to incorporate flowers, relevant phrases, fertility symbols and/or cowry/beach shells which signify "fertility." **


 * <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">-Play 2-3 games about menstruation/womanhood. Fun, lighthearted ones. www.puzzle-maker.com can be used for creating customized word searches. **


 * <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">-Make one or two cloth pads with the special girl. **


 * <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">-Have a few short rituals ie: **
 * <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> 1)Form a circle & have each attendee (along with the special girl & her mom) mention a woman (living or ancestor) who played a major role in their development as a female. **
 * <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> 2)Have the special girl "give away" something from childhood ie. doll, book, toy. Mom can store it in a special place as opposed to throwing it out. This way you can pull it out at another important time in her life. **
 * <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> 3)Have a discussion re: menses, sexuality, sisterhood/womanhood. Share words of wisdom/poetry. Attendees can share their menarche /menses' stories. For women who had/have difficulties with menses ensure that healthy solutions are discussed. People may want to mention what they wish they'd been told by their moms/godmas/special aunts before/when they experienced their first periods. **
 * <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> 4)Have everyone write down a "wish for womanhood" (specifically for the special girl). The girl can keep the wishes in a special place ie. in a journal or a special box. **
 * <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> 5) Have special girl/mom/grandma or godma light 3 candles. White symbolizes "girlhood/pre-menstrual phase." Red symbolizes the "fertile years" and black symbolizes "elderhood/post-menstrual years." Special girl/mom/grandma or godma may want to place the candles on the little table (one with photos of female ancestors). **
 * <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> 6) Have mom/daughter stand in front of a mirror. Mom tells daughter what is similar yet different about each of them. Daughter shares too. Mom can tell daughter what she was up to at her daughter's age. Daughter can share about what she hopes to be able to say to her daughter when she's in her mom's shoes (if she'd like to be a mom someday). **


 * <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">-Special girl/mom may wear special outfits ie.red or pink, headpieces, hairdos, jewelry, henna, makeup (including kajal or kohl eyeliner). Some parents may want to treat their daughters to getting their ears pierced for the first time. **


 * <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">-Have someone perform a short fertility/womb/belly dance like the ***Het-Heru Dance. ie. girl's mom, a special aunt/godma or an African dance company. NOTE: The dance company doesn't have to stay for the entire celebration.

<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">-Consider making it a sleepover/spa party for the special girl & her friends. Feel <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> free to have a special breakfast the following morning.

<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">-Take photos!! Mark the date/time on them. Keep them in a special place ie.diary, journal or scrapbook.

<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">- Sign the girl up for charm school/etiquette classes (with her permission of course).

<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">-Parents may consider giving your daughter 1-2 new household responsibilites.


 * //<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">RESOURCES: //**

<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Carnival of the Spirit: Seasonal Celebrations & their Rites of Passage - L.Teish <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Like a Natural Woman - Z. Kashef <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">The Woman's Book of Healing Herbs - H. O'Donnell <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Sacred Woman - Queen Afua <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">105 Ways to Celebrate Menstruation - K.McBride <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">A Time to Celebrate - J. Morais <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Pain-free Periods: Natural Ways to Overcome Menstrual Problems - S.Weller <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Red Flower: Rethinking Menstruation - D.Taylor <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">The Care & Keeping of You (for 8-12 year olds) - V.Schaefer <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom - C.Northrup <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Rites of Passage: A Celebration of Menarche - L.LaFlamme